


code-red

by qthulhu



Category: Ant-Man (Movies), Black Panther (2018), Captain America (Movies), Iron Man (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Chatlogs, Chatting & Messaging, Deaf Clint Barton, Discord - Freeform, this clint is not mcu clint
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-11-18
Updated: 2019-06-15
Packaged: 2019-08-25 08:10:59
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 5,923
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16657393
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/qthulhu/pseuds/qthulhu
Summary: Iron-Man: can you all shut the fuck up already its five in the morning some of us are trying to get a nap infriendly spidey: shutting up.-----if the avengers set up a discord server post-civil war. tags updated with the story.





	1. intro

**Author's Note:**

> hewwo! all chapters are going to start with the welcome channel, faq channel, and online/offline counts just in case there are updates in any of them. different chats are sorted by #(chatname). updates will be infrequent since this is mostly just for fun. if there's anything you want to see, leave a comment and ill see if i can work it in?
> 
> this is my soft coping fic for when my Sad Shit gets too much. its not supposed to be taken too seriously. i'll probably add pretty much everyone from the mcu in eventually. we're starting immediately following the trial of scott lang and clint barton, between civil war and black panther

 

_#welcome_

Welcome to the beginning of the **#welcome** channel.

 

Brace yourselves. **webmaster** just joined the server.

A **friendly spidey** has spawned in the server.

 **Natasha** is here to kick butt and chew bubblegum. And **Natasha** is all out of gum.

 **barton** just joined. Can I get a heal?

Welcome, **Iron-Man**. We were expecting you ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

It’s a bird! It’s a plane! Nevermind, it’s just **War Machine**.

 **Black Panther** has joined the server! It’s super effective!

Ha! **Vision** has joined! You activated my trap card!

 **Captain America** has arrived. Party’s over.

Welcome, **Winter Soldier**. Stay awhile and listen.

Swoooosh. **Falcon** just landed.

 **Ant-Man** just joined. Hide your bananas.

 **Scarlet Witch** just joined. Everyone, look busy!

 

* * *

 

_#faq_

**@here**

this text channel is here to lay down the law in our server. if you still have questions, dont be afraid to **@webmaster** or **@friendly spidey**  for help!

 

CHANNELS

general

 **#lobby** \- for general conversation!

 **#check-in** \- for emergency rolecalls. if someone asks for a check-in on this channel, please respond or youll be assumed in danger or dead ୧༼ ͡◉ل͜ ͡◉༽୨

 **#intel** \- for discussing active situations, not necessarily emergencies but general discussion

 **#code-red** \-  for ACTIVE ONLY events, i.e. immediate danger

 **#request-line** \- request new channels here!

 **#chill** \- for casual chat

 **#vent** \- self-explanatory

 **#speakeasy** & **#speakeasy-txt** \- voice channel and its accompanying text chat for people who cant talk but want to participate!

private channels are designated chats for team communications! if you’d like a new, channel made (public or private), ask **@webmaster** in a private message or the **#request-line**!

 

RULES

the purpose and...population of this server is unconventional, so most of the usual servers rules are kind of moot. we’re all adults here, be respectful. absolutely NO revealing personal info without express permission. i can’t promise any punishments if you do, but uh. i’d imagine you’d be stepping on a lot of toes in the process with some severe irl consequences. on this server, we operate under a three strikes rule. we will warn you on your first offense, mute you for an hour on your second, and kick you on your third. three kicks, and you’re banned from the server.

 

we want to create a simple way to keep in contact and coordinate with the community following The Incident and the accords. so, if there’s anyone you know who belongs here, add them under their codename!

 

* * *

 

 

ONLINE - 11

 **webmaster**  
**friendly spidey**  
**Ant-Man**  
**barton**  
**Black Panther**  
**Captain America**  
**Falcon**  
**Iron-Man**  
**Natasha**  
**Vision**  
**War Machine  
**

OFFLINE - 2

 **Scarlet Witch**  
**Winter Soldier**

 

* * *

 

 

_#lobby_

**Falcon** Quick question: what the hell is all of this?

 **War Machine** Why do some people have a normal name, and others get…these?

 **Ant-Man** why are all of you online? 

 **Black Panther** Who are all of you?

 **Captain America**  How did you find all of us?

 **barton** h

 **Natasha** Give the boys five minutes to explain before you spam them with questions.

 **friendly spidey**  this is a chat system for heroes/vigilantes/whatever you want to call us. we thought it'd be a good idea to have one since there are so many of us in one area. plus, it'd be useful for uh. New York™ level disasters. im online because i was doing other work when this got finished. webmaster, natasha, barton and i picked our names. u can change urs if u want. 

 **Natasha** Thank you, Spidey.

 **War Machine** How do we change names?

 **friendly spidey** ill pm. oh, and out of the four of us, we collectively knew all of your contact infos. teamwork made this server ヽ(＾Д＾)ﾉ

 **Rhodes** Thanks. For the name help, not the server.

 **friendly spidey**  yw

 **barton**  you're welcome for the server

 **Rhodes** asshole

 **Captain America** Barton, you’re not supposed to contact vigilantes anymore. I don’t want you to end up in prison. Or on the run with us.

 **barton** i’m gonna level with you, cap, i don’t give a single shit.

 **Ant-Man** :O

 **barton**  its not like they'd catch me doing it anyway

 **Captain America** You're literally operating under your last name.

 **webmaster**  sorry i was finishing up security things

 **webmaster** as far as anyone outside of this server is concerned, it’s a fanserver. youre intense stans of the avengers - these are your fan accounts. you roleplay as heroes. spidey an i figured out a cover story if you ever get caught.

 **barton** see its fine. you're just nerds with no lives.

 **Falcon** Dont you mean we?

 **barton** nope

 **Captain America** Well alright then

 **Ant-Man** can we add people?

 **webmaster** sure! don’t forget their nicknames! we don't wanna expose anyone by accident

 **webmaster** make sure you read the faq before you message **@everyone**! if you want, we can start with some introductions.

 **Natasha** Most of us are acquainted.

 **Natasha** I’m tired as hell right now. Does anyone in here know of a good place to get a cup of coffee in, say, Bangladesh?

 **barton** n...no?

 **Natasha** Damn. I’ll just get Starbucks then.

 **barton**  wish u could mail me some too ugh

 **Falcon** As fun as all this is, I need to get some rest. Goodnight everyone.

 **Rhodes** Night, birdbrain.

 **barton** gn

 **Natasha** Night

 **Steve Rogers** Good night!

 **webmaster** gn

 **friendly spidey** gn!

 **Ant-Man** nightnight feathers

 **Black Panther** Sleep well.

 **Rhodes** Unrelated: I just discovered the welcome chat and the face by Tony’s welcome message is making me cry

 **friendly spidey** god its perfect. did you see the one webmaster put in the faq

 **Rhodes** the fuck is that

 **friendly spidey** i think its a vageuly threatening garbage man

 **Vision** I don’t understand any of what’s going on. Can I opt-out of this chat?

 **friendly spidey** u can mute this and most of the channels, but pls leave the notifcations for **#check-in** on just in case vis uwu i bet that’s what mister starks doing

 **Iron-Man** can you all shut the fuck up already its five in the morning some of us are trying to get a nap in

 **friendly spidey** perhaps not! shutting up.

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

_#request-line_

**CA** I'd like to put in a request for a team channel.

 **webmaster** okay. who's in it?

 **CA** Natasha, Falcon, barton, and Ant-Man

 **Ant-Man** OH??

 **CA** We were a good team.

 **CA** Nat, Falcon, and I could use it to coordinate. Besides that, I’d like to keep in touch if we're all going to be using this service.

 **Ant-Man** let it be known that cap really is a big old softie

 **Falcon** Emphasis on old

 **webmaster** what do you want the channel name to be?

 **Falcon** Alpha

 **Ant-Man** i dig that

 **CA** Seconded.

 **webmaster** would you like me to add bucky?

 **CA** He’s in here?

 **Webmaster** sure **@Winter Soldier**

 **CA** Then yes, please!

 **webmaster** done! it should be under the TEAMS menu.

 **Winter Soldier** bwhat the hell

 

* * *

 

 

_#team-alpha_

**webmaster** i'm technically still a part of this channel as admin of this server, but i won't read any of it unless you @ me. have fun.

 **CA** Thank you again!

 **Winter Soldier** i reeiterate what the hell

 **Ant-Man** this is a chat for heroes, weirdo. have you never used technology before.

 **Winter Soldier** i didnt even knwo i had this app on my phone or an account fo rhtat matter

 **CA** It must've been Shuri's work. 

 **Winter Soldier** ah

 **Winter Soldier** should i add her to this thing

 **CA** **@webmaster** I know you said yes to Lang, but as far as I'm aware, she's a civilian.

 **webmaster** who is it

 **Winter Soldier** princess shuri of wakanda

 

 

* * *

 

 

_#admins_

**webmaster** UH

 **webmaster** GUESS WE'RE ADDING ROYALTY???

 **webmaster** [screenshot]

 **webmaster**  spidey?

 **webmaster** i'm saying yes

 

 

* * *

 

 

_#team-alpha_

**webmaster** sure! do you want her to be in this channel?

 **CA** No, for now.

 **webmaster** okay, peace!

 **Falcon** So, what happened at lunch?

 **CA** I'm not sure I know what you're talking about

 **Falcon** Come on, with Nat. You've been weird

 **CA** It's complicated. And I'm not sure I want to discuss this when she's in this chat with us.

 **Falcon** You're going to have to talk about it eventually dude

_**CA** is typing..._

**CA** Nat and I had a moment a while ago we were on a mission. To make a long story short, we shared a kiss. It never came up again and it didn't make things awkward for us, but I've been thinking about it. I brought it up at the cafe, which was apparently the wrong thing to do. I think I might have given her the impression that I have feelings for her. Which I don't. Not that she's not a lovely woman, of course, I just wanted to know if she missed that kind of affection as much as I did.

 **Falcon** You make it sound like you asked her if she missed kissing you

 **CA** I didn't put it exactly like that. 

 **Falcon** I'm gonna forget you said that for your sake. Are you....lonely? Is that what this is about? 

 **CA** I'm fine, for the most part. 

 **CA** You can't tell me you don't miss having a home to go back to. Or someone to go back to.

 **Falcon** No, I don't. And I don't get to hop on a jet every couple of months to visit my boo in Africa. 

 **Winter Soldier** am i the boo

 **Falcon** yes, you are, Machine Gun Ken.

 **Winter Soldier** he doesnt get to see me often most of th etime hes with t'challa or shuri. but its nice when hes here

 **Falcon** Must be. 

 **Falcon** Back to the dumbass at hand: Steve, you can talk to us before it gets awkward as hell like that. We're your teammates AND your friends. Idk how much you don't tell us about, but we can take it.

 **CA** You're right. I'm lonely. I'm tired. I want to head to Wakanda for a week or so, with the both of you. 

 **Falcon** Ok, on one condition. We're gonna sit down and have a real talk about this later. Face to face. All four of us

 **CA** Deal.

 

* * *

 

 

_#welcome_

Ermagherd. **shuri** is here.

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

_#admins_

**friendly spidey** ha ha what the fuck

 **friendly spidey** how is this my life

 **webmaster** dude i have no idea

 

 

* * *

 

  

_#lobby_

**Winter Soldier** hello sjuri

 **shuri** sjuri

 **Winter Soldier** your brother is here and he will yell at you if you bully me

 **Black Panther** No I won't

 **shuri** thank u bro

 **webmaster** hello **@everyone** , welcome shuri to the server! we have a faq (you should probably read that before you do anything)

 

 

* * *

 

 

_shuri, webmaster, friendly spidey_

**webmaster** hey i just want to check with you

 **webmaster** one of our rules is to not reveal any personal info. how much are you willing to have in the open (name, location)?

 **friendly spidey** also u can change ur name if u want

 **shuri** this is fine for now!

 **shuri** i have no secrets.

 **webmaster** okay, cool :)

 **shuri** :)

 **shuri** you two created this server?

 **friendly spidey** webs did most of the heavylifting, i just gave some names

 **webmaster** hush. yes we equally did

 **shuri** smart. i doubt any of them considered using this platform to communicate

 **shuri** old people like to pretend technology stops and starts with vibranium fabric

 **friendly spidey** LMAO

 **webmaster** u right

 **shuri** so how long have you two…

 **webmaster**????

 **shuri** your matching names are adorable

 **friendly spidey** thank you :D

 **webmaster** OH uh jddj thanks

 **shuri** may i ask how much personal information you both share in this server?

 

 

* * *

 

 

_#lobby_

**Natasha** Welcome!

 **Black Panther** be nice or I'll break your kneecaps **@everyone**

 **STARK** hey

 **Ant-Man** hewwo

 **Rhodes** Hi there

 **Falcon** Hey shortstuff

 **shuri** chicken.

 **Falcon** >:-(

 **shuri** hello everyone! i’m shuri, i’m 16, and i never fucking learned how to read

 **friendly spidey** AJSHSJA

 **webmaster** holy fuxkdj

 **shuri** my people

 **Rhodes** you can call me Rhodey

 **Ant-Man** scott

 **STARK** <\--

 **Scarlet Witch** Wanda

 **webmaster** okay throw your name in the new intro server, from now on, we'll have people check that so we don't have to do this every time we add someone

 **friendly spidey** ur mind

 **shuri** so powerful we stan

 **Black Panther** This was a mistake

 

 

* * *

 

 

_#admins_

**webmaster**!!! we should make her a mod

 **friendly spidey** what for real?

 **webmaster** well, if we're going to keep adding ppl, u and me cant handle all of the work ourselves. we have school and you have heroing. plus she seems cool

 **friendly spidey** ya tru

 

webmaster added shuri

 

 **shuri** you left me on read. rude.

 **webmaster** spidey and i dont have our names public. stark knows his identity but thats it, i think

 **friendly spidey** yup.

 **shuri** why is that? for you both

 **webmaster** im not really...involved, with this. i just help spidey sometimes. its not really important for ppl to know who i am

 **friendly spidey** just personal stuff

 **shuri** valid. i wont ask again <3

 **friendly spidey** <3

 **webmaster** anyway, if u wanna be a mod, all you really gotta do is watch out for ppl @ing us in the **#request-line** or violations of the privacy rules

 **webmaster** atm locations are the only sensitive info. names (other than ours) are fine. we'll add you to the intro gcs from now on so you can stay up to date.

 **shuri** i dont know how much free time i will have, but ill do what i can. ty

 

 

* * *

 

 

_#request-line_

**Rhodes** oh so SAM gets a group channel and we don’t?

 **shuri** HYUCK well he asked!

 **Rhodes** Can we have one, sweetwebs?

 **webmaster** of course, rhodey.

 **Rhodes** Tony, me, vis, black panther, and nat

 **Rhodes** actually, scratch nat. She has her own gc now

 **webmaster** bold

 **Black Panther** no thank you

 **friendly spidey** can i take his spot

 **Rhodes** Tony, me, vis, and spidey

 **webmaster** gotcha! pick a name

 **Rhodes** hm

 **STARK** hotrod

 **Rhodes** loser

 

* * *

 

 

_#hotrod_

**Rhodes** loser

 **STARK** I heard you the first time, sweetheart

 **friendly spidey** owo whats this?

 **STARK** unadd that gremlin right this instant

 **friendly spidey** ;n;

 **Rhodes** you hurt his feelings

 **STARK** eh

 **friendly spidey** </3

 **Rhodes** apologize

 **STARK** I’m sorry, kid. you know I’m kidding

 **friendly spidey** i know mister stark

 **friendly spidey** <3

 **STARK** so this server, you and your friend Ted made it right?

 **friendly spidey** one, his name is ned and two, me and webmaster made it. no name reveals. it’s the rules.

 **STARK** okay, no names. that’s one of your rules, though, isn’t it

 **friendly spidey** it might be

 **STARK** figured

 **Rhodes** Why?

 **STARK** underoos is antsy about his secret identity. family stuff.

 **Rhodes** I literally cannot relate to that. Mine was all over tv.

 **friendly spidey** it feels like i’m the only one who cares about it sometimes

 **STARK** you probably are, but it's reasonable to be cautious in your situation

 **Rhodes** it just occurred to me that Vision probably won't say shit in here if he bothers to check this app at all. should we remove him

 **friendly spidey** hm nah, he might come in once in a while

 **STARK** don’t break up my family, Rhodey.


	2. mercury

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> just some fluffy stuff. t'challa and scott are speaking aloud for a lot of the speak easy chat so their lines aren't, written, but theyre kind of easy to Guess thanks to context clues (i hope)
> 
> leave a comment if theres anythin u wanna see !!

_#welcome_

Welcome to the beginning of the  **#welcome**  channel.

 

Brace yourselves.  **webmaster**  just joined the server.

A  **friendly spidey**  has spawned in the server.

 **Natasha**  is here to kick butt and chew bubblegum. And  **Natasha**  is all out of gum.

 **barton**  just joined. Can I get a heal?

Welcome,  **STARK**. We were expecting you ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

It’s a bird! It’s a plane! Nevermind, it’s just  **Rhodes**.

 **Black Panther**  has joined the server! It’s super effective!

Ha!  **Vision**  has joined! You activated my trap card!

 **CA**  has arrived. Party’s over.

Welcome,  **Winter Soldier**. Stay awhile and listen.

Swoooosh.  **Falcon**  just landed.

 **Ant-Man**  just joined. Hide your bananas.

 **Scarlet Witch** just joined. Everyone, look busy!

Ermagherd.  **shuri**  is here.

 

* * *

 

_#faq_

**@here**

this text channel is here to lay down the law in our server. if you still have questions, dont be afraid to **@webmaster** , **@friendly spidey** , or **@shuri** for help!

 

CHANNELS

general

 **#lobby** \- for general conversation!

 **#check-in**  - for emergency rolecalls. if someone asks for a check-in on this channel, please respond or youll be assumed in danger or dead ୧༼ ͡◉ل͜ ͡◉༽୨

 **#intel** \- for discussing active situations, not necessarily emergencies but general discussion

 **#code-red** \-  for ACTIVE ONLY events, i.e. immediate danger

 **#request-line** \- request new channels here!

 **#chill** \- for casual chat

 **#vent** \- self-explanatory

 **#intro** \- drop your name/pronouns/location (whatever info youre willing to sure with everyone) in here for new ppl!

 **#speakeasy** &  **#speakeasy-txt** \- voice channel and its accompanying text chat for people who cant talk but want to participate!

private channels are designated chats for team communications! if you’d like a new, channel made (public or private), ask  **@webmaster** in a private message or the  **#request-line**!

 

RULES

the purpose and...population of this server is unconventional, so most of the usual servers rules are kind of moot. we’re all adults here, be respectful. absolutely NO revealing personal info without express permission. i can’t promise any punishments if you do, but uh. i’d imagine you’d be stepping on a lot of toes in the process with some severe irl consequences. on this server, we operate under a three strikes rule. we will warn you on your first offense, mute you for an hour on your second, and kick you on your third. three kicks, and you’re banned from the server.

 

we want to create a simple way to keep in contact and coordinate with the community following The Incident and the accords. so, if there’s anyone you know who belongs here, add them under their codename!

 

* * *

 

 

ONLINE - 7

  
**Ant-Man**  
**barton**  
**Black Panther**  
**friendly spidey**  
**Natasha**  
**STARK**  
**Winter Soldier**

OFFLINE - 7

 **webmaster  
** **CA**  
 **Falcon**  
 **Rhodes**  
 **Scarlet Witch**  
 **shuri**  
**Vision**  


 

* * *

 

_#lobby_

**Ant-Man** someone join me in the **#speakeasy** i ran out of days of our lives reruns

 **barton** omw

 **Black Panther** I have nothing better to do

 **Ant-Man** don't you have like. a whole country to run

 **Black Panther** And what about that?

 **STARK** no from me

 **Natasha** Wilson and Rogers just crawled in bed, sorry. I don't want to wake them up

 **Winter Soldier** together :eyes:

 **Natasha** Who taught him emojis

 

_#speakeasy-txt_

**Ant-Man** hello???

 **Ant-Man** can you hear me?

 **barton** no.

 **Ant-Man** shit, let me mess with the settings

 **Ant-Man** what about now

 **barton** still no

 **Black Panther** I hear you. What is that noise in the background?

 **Ant-Man** oh thats the laundry machine. how bout now barton?

 **barton** im just fucking with you scott. my hearing aids were turned off

 **Black Panther** What was that noise?

 **barton** scott snorted

 **friendly spidey** i can't talk but i can type for a little while

 **barton** WAS THAT YOU?

 **friendly spidey** OH MY GOD SCOTT

 **friendly spidey** king of wakanda and roasts

 **barton** you live under house arrest for one year and forget how to function when a man has a nice accent

 **barton** fine

 **friendly spidey** youre playing rock band in the year 2017 of our lord??

 **friendly spidey** oof! you should ask shuri to get a copy for you. scotts right, its good for stress relief

 **barton** uh, about 10pm for lil spidey and me

 **friendly spidey** good morning t'challa uwu

 **barton** as funny as itd be to see spidey type to himself, id rather not leave him out

 **friendly spidey** bi ally!

 **barton** ally?

 **friendly spidey** dont shriek at me carton

 **friendly spidey** BARTON

 **carton** this is who i am now

 **carton** oh i didnt know thats cool

 **friendly spidey** you too? ugh im feeling god in this speakeasy tonight

 **friendly spidey** BI BRIGADE SCOTTY YOU ARE A GENIUS

 **friendly spidey** BIGADE DJDBBDBD

 **friendly spidey** are there any straight people in this server

 **carton** no idea. there's not exactly any time to come out between punching aliens and each other

 **carton** plus a lot of people our age arent as vocal as you are about it

 **friendly spidey** oh

 **barton** LMAO T'CHALLA HE WOULD BE THOUGH

 **friendly spidey** dont say that he used to be my hero asdfa

 **carton** homophobic rogers rise!

 **carton** i dont think he actuLly gives a shit though

 **carton** like i said, not a lot of time to talk

 **Black Panther** Is that Queen?

 **friendly spidey** DONT

 **carton** STOP

 **carton** ME

 **friendly spidey** NOW

 **friendly spidey** scott sing me to sleep

 **friendly spidey** iluuuw

 **carton** u think hes out now?

 **carton** spiiiideeeeyyy

 **carton** im gonna get some sleep. don't stay up too late lang.

 **carton** right back at ya, big guy


	3. Chapter 3

_#code-red_

**Vision** SOS

 **Rhodes** Sup?

 **Vision** The facility is under attack.

 **Ant-Man** the new one?

 **Rhodes** No, the demolished one

 **Vision** It's the new one. Well, soon to be demolished one.

 **STARK** anyone wanna tell me why some jackass with a wrecking ball is knocking on my door?

 **Vision** I appreciate his creativity. The execution leaves room to improve.

 **carton** ouch.

 **STARK** Locals, your help would be much appreciated.

 **friendly spidey** omw

 **friendly spidey** also please nver say the word locals again

 **Natasha** I happen to be in the area

 **Rhodes** See you soon, honey

 **Ant-Man** must be nice having a life

 **carton** cant relate

 **webmaster** SM, forward me surveillance pls n ty

 **friendly spidey** k

 **webmaster** does the name tom wilkins mean anything to you **@STARK**

 **STARK** Kind of busy.

 **friendly spidey** hes literally suplexing a crane with only half his suit, its so cool

 **friendly spidey** o shit brb he needs help

 **webmaster** right sorry well he tweeted a couple of threats on a personal account and the last one is a geotagged pic of him flipping off the avengers facility

 **webmaster** getting the impression that it Might Be Him 🤔🤔

 **shuri** hmm seems like a reach 🤔🤔🤔

**webmaster 🤔🤔🤔🤔🤔**

**shuri 🤔🤔🤔🤔🤔🤔🤔🤔🤔🤔**

**STARK** cool thanks

 **Ant-Man** there is no way spidey can lift a crane

 **webmaster** oh he can

 **Ant-Man** pics or it didn’t happen

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

_#chill_

**webmaster** isn't it like, late there shuri

 **shuri** nah im good 

 **shuri** fun fact that emoji means lesbian in sign language

 **webmaster** lesbian lesbian lesbian lesbian lesbian

 **webmaster** if i say lesbian in front of a mirror three times in a row who would i summon

 **webmaster** brb

 **shuri** who did you summon

 **webmaster** hayley kiyoko herself she gave me a bathbomb and lime takis

 **shuri** ugh!! queen!

 **shuri** it could only be better if she gave you a hot pickle

 **webmaster** HOT PICKLE

 **webmaster** HAVE YOU SEEN

 **shuri** HES

 **shuri** are yall happy for me i got a picky!

 **webmaster** once you hit that chewWRAORW

 **shuri** thats the weirdest spelling i've ever seen for that sound

 **WRAORW** new name, inspo:  **@webmaster** xoxo

 **Black Panther** Congratulations, no one will know who you are

 **carton** there's only like three people who actively mem

 **Ant-Man** oh my god shuri took himi out before he could finish his sentence F

 **webmaster** f

 **Black Panther** F

 **WRAORW** while u were in jail for treason, i was studying the blade

 **Black Panther** Shuri meet me in the lab

 **WRAORW** omw

 

 

* * *

 

 

_#code-red_

**carton**  haha holy fuck webs turn on the tv its on the news!

 **webmaster** [ironass.jpg]

 **carton** that zoom tho

 **webmaster** local cameraman horny for robotic booty

 **Rhodes** I told the suits AI to read out all the messages I miss and God, was it worth it to see Tony unsheath his mask to glare at and flip me off when "local cameraman horny for robotic booty" blared over the com

 **Rhodes** gtg 

 

 

 

* * *

 

 

_#chill_

**friendly spidey** wig: flew

 **friendly spidey** dicks: out

 **friendly spidey** crisis: averted

 **STARK** You could just say “everything is OK”. You know, like a normal human being

 **friendly spidey** im an arachnid

 ** **WRAORW** **i thought you were american

 **webmaster** she lives to meme another day

 ** **WRAORW** **good night

 **Rhodes** Grandpa Stark, be nice to the babies

 **friendly spidey** hey **@Ant-Man**

 **friendly spidey** [craneiumflex.jpg]

 **Ant-Man** are you still holding that thing??

 **friendly spidey** :)

 **Ant-Man** never has a colon and parenthesis been so threatening

 **Natasha** God I missed this banter. Anyone want chicken curry?

 **carton** me

 **Natasha** I said does anyone want to get chicken and/or vegan curry for lunch?

 **carton** ME

 **Natasha** No one?

 **Rhodey** I'm game

 **STARK** Need to drop off my suit first, but I'll come with.

 **Vision** I'm an android I don't eat

 **friendly spidey** uhhh mask :/

 **Natasha** I'm on the run from the law. Who am I going to tell?

 **Natasha** If you want to meet, this is the only opportunity you'll have for a long time. I’m leaving the country at the end of the week.

 **friendly spidey** fair

 **friendly spidey** ugh okay

 

 

* * *

 

 

_friendly spidey, webmaster_

**webmaster** bring me leftovers 😔✊ i worked hard

 **friendly spidey** 👌👌

 **webmaster** 🙏🏼🙏🏼

 **friendly spidey** 🤪🤙

 **webmaster** 😜💦

 

 

* * *

 

 

_#chill_

**carton** give the spider a noogy from me

 **Natasha** No.

 **carton** i was talking to your less deadly cousin

 **Ant-Man** what

 **Natasha** My codename is Black Widow

 **Ant-Man** you're telling me we have not one, not two, but three bug-based heroes here? and two animal based?

 **friendly spidey** unfortunately

 **Ant-Man** hive, i’m gonna add to our ranks.

 **carton** this is normie oppression

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

_#welcome_

We’ve been expecting you  **pymdas**

 **loml**  just slid into the server

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

_#chill_

**carton** wow he actually did it

 **Ant-Man** i'm a mad of my word

 **Ant-Man** man*

 **carton** mad

 **Natasha** mad

 **friendly spidey** mad

 **loml** mad

 **Ant-Man** et tu, hope?

 **buzzbuzz** i would never skip an opportunity to embarrass you

 **buzzbuzz** aw did you have my name as loml?

 **Ant-Man** HOPE STOP

 **carton** Batasha Blease Bring Be Bood

 **friendly spidey** take pity on the man 🤧 i'll come!!

 **Natasha** fine. I'll bring you something home, crybaby.

 **carton** thank you for my life natasha badass romanoff

 **Natasha** thats my name dont wear it out

 **STARK** anyways!

 **STARK** I'm good to go if you all are

 **friendly spidey** curry curry curry 

 **Rhodes** CURRY CURRY CURRY

 **Natasha** Curry! Curry! CUR

 **friendly spidey** oh my god clint took her out before she could finish chanting

 **Ant-Man** i made that joke too!

 **Ant-Man** same hat!

 

* * *

 

 

_#danger-zone_

**Natasha** little bug, can I take pictures of our meetup?

 **Natasha** if not, that's totally okay!

 **friendly spidey** sure just block my face

 **carton** POST THEM IN THE MAIN CHAT FOR EVERYONE

 

* * *

 

 

_#chill_

**Natasha** drum roll please

 **carton** brbrbrbrbrbrbrbrbr

 **Natasha** That's what you call a drumroll?

 **carton** i roll my drum for you and this is how you repay me? 

 **Natasha** [lunchcrew.jpg]

 **Natasha** [spidersselfie.jpg]

 **Natasha** [irondad.jpg]

 **Natasha** [spideyhasastrawinhisnose.jpg]

 **Natasha** you're welcome

 **friendly spidey** thank u nat i made the third one my background and the second one my lockscreen 🤪

 **Ant-Man** which one is spidey

 **friendly spidey** the brown hair

 **carton**  UR SO LITTLE ??

 **Ant-Man** damn my kid could knock you over and shes ten

 **Ant-Man** i want to buy you ice cream and toss a baseball back and forth

 **STARK** back off he's my kid

 **Natasha** Fuck you he's mine he likes me best

 **Rhodes** Wait, I call dibs

 **carton** i am dad

 **Ant-Man** doesn't he have like...real parents

 **friendly spidey** no

 **Bug-Dad** my child now

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

_#request-line_

**Bug-Dad**  forgot to formally ask, we need a gc for the animal kindom: t'challa, me, spidey, natasha, hope, pym, wilson. i dont care what the name is

 **friendly spidey** hm ok

 

 

* * *

 

 

_#furrypalace_

**friendly spidey**  here you go scott!

 **Natasha** dont like that

 **friendly spidey** he said animal kingdom, furry palace is like the same thing

 **Black Panther** You're not wrong, but you shouldn't say it

 **friendly spidey** i'm surprised you know what a furry is 

 **Black Panther** my sister is a teenager. Do you think she really hasn't made a hundred furry jokes about me to my face?

 **friendly spidey** shes so brave

 **buzzbuzz** dad's gonna open this and ask me what this means and i'm going to have to explain to an elderly man what a furry is

 **buzzbuzz** i hope you're happy. 

 **Bug-Dad** i am, pym's face is gonna be hysterical

 **buzzbuzz** you're insufferable

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> okay, to keep everything all clean:  
> #admins - peter, ned, shuri  
> #alpha - steve, natasha, clint, sam, scott, bucky  
> #danger-zone - natasha, clint, peter, scott  
> #furrypalace - t'challa, scott, peter, hope, pym, natasha, sam  
> #hotrod - tony, rhodey, peter, vision
> 
>  
> 
> also im gonna start posting a list of the chats in the notes at the beginning oof


	4. losers

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> i am self indulgent

_ #lobby _

**Bug-Dad** mushrooms: woo or boo

**friendly spidey** hold on to ur trusted avenger mutuals right now as in just a few sec everyone's true colors will be shown. the anti, the fake, the multi, the woke, the traitor, the troll… etc. be prepared 💀

**carton** boo

**shuri** eh, depends 

**Scarlet Witch** boo if steamed

**Rhodes** Woo, especially if cheese is involved

**STARK** woo

**buck** boo

**Vision** I don't eat

**Nat** WOO

**buzzbuzz** boo

**Falcon** All woos block me, I do not tolerate fungi in my home.

**Bug-Dad** that's not very fun of you, guy

**Scarlet Witch** (crowd booing)

**Falcon** You want fun?

**Falcon** Living people eat dead mushrooms. Living mushrooms eat dead people. 

**Falcon** mushrooms will avenge their ancestors as they feast on your body 

**Nat** eats mushrooms faster.

**buck** thats, how the kids say, metal as fuck

**Falcon** If you bring that smelly shit back to the hotel one more time, I can't be held responsible for what I do.

**CA** Nat, I hate to say it, but I agree with Sam

**STARK** you're high

**CA** Didn't I just say I don't like mushrooms?

**Nat** don't act like you don't steal from my plate when Sam isn't looking

**CA** Betrayal.

**buck** !

**shuri** !

**Black Panther** Mushrooms are delicious

**Bug-Dad** [thankyouoffice.gif]

**Black Panther** I speak only the truth 

**buck** you speak only lies

**Black Panther** You're exiled from Wakanda. You may come back when you obtain taste

**Falcon** rip barnes’ wakandan citizenship 

**buck** i was going to make a comment but i thought better of it.

**CA** Weren't you on his side?

**Falcon** ...your point?

**buck** why did you start this war, lang?

**Bug-Dad** im bored 

**carton** LMAO

**buck** im going to squish you

 

_ #team-alpha _

**Bug-Dad** kkssh beep hey Cap

**Bug-Dad** what age do you put on your id? do you put your real age and bday or do you make something up that matches your physical age

**Bug-Dad** clint and i were talking about it last night. over

**CA** On my gov. issued id, real bday and age. Nat makes up one for our fake ids.

**Bug-Dad** Oh cool

**Bug-Dad** just curious - what age does she put?

**CA** 35

**Bug-Dad** shit I'm older than Captain America

**CA** Technically you're older than Roger Grant 

**Bug-Dad** your fake name is Roger Grant?!?

**CA** Yeah. I picked it out

**Bug-Dad** its so fake dude

**CA** Well it's easier to answer Nat when she calls me Roger in public than something completely different like Christopher

**carton** valid

**Bug-Dad** guess we're both right

**carton** Nat whats ur fake name

**Nat** Nikita Shostakova

**Bug-Dad** assign me a fake name!!

**Nat** Bernard Davis

**Bug-Dad** that was quick 

**Nat** I keep a log with a bunch of fakes. Sometimes I make some up when I'm bored.

**carton** do me

**Nat** Lucas Costello

**carton** good juice

**Nat** Mmmm

**carton** can i have an id with that name

**Nat** no, but I'll tell you how to get that ankle bracelet off without tripping it

**carton** much thanks

**Nat** You wanna know Lang?

**Bug-Dad** no thanks ill do my time

**CA** Why'd you put kkssh beep on your first message btw?

**Bug-Man** kkssh beep thats the sound a walkie talkie make. over

**carton** kkssh beep did u download minecraft liek i told you. over

**Bug-Man** kkssh beep sure did buddy. over

**CA** Kkssh beep I just googled it and that sounds interesting. 

**CA** When do you find time to play it? 

**CA** Over.

**Bug-Man** kkssh beep in between close up magic lessons. over

**CA** Hm. Nat, can we get minecraft?

**Falcon** We already have it. Check the applications folder on my laptop.

**Bug-Man** kkssh beep you have to say over when ur done. Over

**Bug-Man** also i want to know why you have minecraft but im too scared to ask. over

**Falcon** I'm not doing that

**Falcon**  It comes pre-installed on windows 10 I guess.

**Bug-Man** roger that. over

**carton** i set up a server and my niece is the only person who plays with me please join me 

**Nat** You know we're kind of busy right?

**carton** when u have time, i mean

**Bug-Man** it can be a team-building exercise!

**CA** One hour, once a week.

**carton** deal. ill get copies for rogers and nat

**Nat** Not necessary

**carton** oh?

**Nat** You'll pick out a shit username if you make one for me

**carton** ….

**carton** anyway rogers ur login is winghead1922

**CA** Damnut

**CA** Damn it* 


	5. rocks

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> some more team cap bc i love them feat shuri and peter

_#team-alpha_

**carton** evening criminals, ive decided to join you in spirit.

 **carton** and by that i mean ive downloaded the entirety of game of thrones illegally. because fuck subscription sercives

 **Falcon** how far are you

 **CA** Don't forget a VPN

 **Falcon** what

 **CA** what

 **carton** season 3, and ive never read the books or even the wiki so if you spill ANYTHING i promise to adapt a serial killer persona and take you out with my bare hands.

 **Falcon** Let me know when you get to season 7. I stopped somewhere in the middle of it.

 **carton** kk

 **carton** im on the finale now. Give me like a week

**Falcon 👌**

**buck** no offense, but how do u find time to watch shows while youre

 **buck** you kno

 **Falcon** Everybody has to go to bed some time. It helps me sleep

 **CA** I have no idea how it does.

 **CA** Who's your favorite so far?

 **Falcon** Arya. Sansa. Missandei

 **carton** dany

 **CA** i know, Sam

 **buck** stay offline. for the love of god and your viewing enjoyment.

 **CA** Message me what happens?

**buck 👈👈**

**sbider** i had no idea you guys watched got :o

 **Falcon** you got any better suggestions? Cause we're just going down Steve's list.

 **sbider** is anime allowed

 **shuri** they wont do it, i asked

 **sbider** ugh

 **carton** i know

 **sbider** this is almost as disappointing as the puppy chow thing. which, for the record, i have not finished the bag yet

 **Falcon** The what?

 **sbider @carton** has never had puppy chow

 **buck** im assuming puppy chow is not for dogs

 **sbider** YOU'VE NEVER HAD PUPPY CHOW EITHER???

 **carton** spidey that is violent

 **carton** FIGHT ME

 **shuri** yall are living fucking sad existences

 **Falcon** I've had it

 **carton** i’m insulted

 **buck** shuri i trusted you

 **carton** its me and bucky against spidey, shuri, and sam

 **buck** sam,,, you're a known enemy

 **Falcon** damn for real

 **shuri** wow i no longer claim bucky or clint i only claim spidey and sam

 **sbider** shuri sam and i are gonna kick ur ass

 **buck** okay first but what IS it

 **sbider** i cant deal with thjs what the fuck bucjy

 **carton** [rocks.png]

 **carton** this is seriously what it looks like to me

 **Falcon** STOP

 **sbider** CLINT WE'VE BEEN OVER THIS

 **CA** I've had the packages kind they have in convenience stores

 **carton** GO EAT YOUR BOWLS OF ROCKS AND LEAVE ME ALONE

 **Falcon** clint I wanna fight you

 **Falcon** first time ever

 **carton** thats a lie

 **sbider** puppy chow is literally the best thing ever it's so good

 **Falcon** I haven't had it in so long

 **carton** u ever seen neverending story? this puppy chow stuff honestly just makes me think of the rock guy munching on rocks

 **Falcon** LOL

 **sbider** glad i don't understand that reference

 **carton** [pyornkrachzark.png]

 **carton** this yalls man?

 **buck** [bowlofpuppychow.png]

 **buck** i love *looks at smudged writing on hand* dog food

 **Falcon** I hate y'all so much

 **carton** DOG FOOD

 **shuri** genuinely thought you filled a bowl with dog food and my only concern was why you had dog food in the first place when you dont have a dog

 **buck** ha ha right

 **Falcon** we do have a dog, his name is bucky

 **sbider *** airhorns*

 **CA** How did...how did they break into this chat??

 **CA** oh right. Moderators.

 **sbider** i guess you could call us...the spider on the wall…..

 **CA** Square up, Queens

 **sbider** give me a time and place mister captain america sir. ill meet you there.


End file.
